Beth's Blog

Relationship Vampires

Relationship Vampires

When you interact with someone – anyone - you are either making deposits or withdrawals into the other person's emotional bank account.


Ask questions of the other person's life.

Do what you say you are going to do.

Follow through on your words.

Give, trust, be generous, kind, seek to understand their perspective.

Seek to serve, help and assist.

Speak with love in your heart.

Withdrawals: the opposites of above.

The kicker is that 1 withdrawal wipes out 7 deposits. It's not a one for one. That’s why the old cliché of working late and bringing home a box of chocolates to compensate does not equate!

Are you wondering why a relationship you have has disintegrated?
Usually … someone has overdrawn their withdrawals. It could be you. It could be them. It could be both of you.

There is only one way to rebuild the relationship - Deposit, deposit, deposit and stop the withdrawals.

PS: It rarely happens overnight ... Maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe years.

PPS: Relationship vampires do not make deposits. You can’t change them. You have the same classic choices:

1. Cut loose – remove yourself

2. Accept them – accept that they may never, ever make deposits for the rest of their life and you are ok with that.

Note: The concept of Emotional Deposits and Withdrawals is from Steven Covey’s book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”

Feedback v. Criticism
People don't change