Beth's Blog

People don't change

People don't change

Our daughter was complaining about her boyfriend’s behaviour, closing with the statement:

“I thought we left all that behind with high school. I don't want him to change - I want him to grow up.


Isn’t “growing up”, changing values or beliefs or attitudes and therefore ... changing behaviour? You know … changing.

There must be a trigger to stimulate a change in values or beliefs or attitudes…because people generally don’t like change. It’s unknown. It’s scary. It’s unfamiliar. Why would someone move outside their comfort zone?
People only change if they have to. If the pain of where they are, is more than the pain of changing; then they will WANT to change.

Once again, here's the thing: there has to be a trigger.

Back to my daughter’s situation:
An 18 year old boy who lives in the same place he has always lived, with the same friends, working in the same place with the same people, studying the same subjects, reading the same books, watching the same movies and doing the same hobbies .... He's not going to change. There’s no trigger.

Where everything remains the same - people don't change. They just don't

Relationship Vampires
It Doesn't Matter