Everybody has the answer.
It's the same answer to the same issue … the loneliness.
The answer that everybody gives you is "Pump up your social life. Join clubs and explore those hobbies and groups. Join the P&C at school... your kid's local sports clubs… get involved … be secretary," and things like that.
It's the advice that everyone says just to get you out and about with other adults.
But it didn't work for me and it still doesn't.
I'm sure it's an answer, but may not be a solution for you because maybe you're a bit like me!
Sure, you get involved and you’re not alone anymore. You’re regularly around a variety of people and busy.
You might not be alone, but you're still lonely.
Yes, activity does alleviate the lack of adult conversation you are missing with your partner being away most of the time. However, there’s a point at the end of the day where it’s not about adult conversation … you are lonely because you are missing adult conversation with a very specific adult … your partner.
That's the bit that is generally not addressed by people giving you the advice to go out supercharge your social life. You’re missing the adult conversation from your Part-ner. The word has two sections - 'part' and 'ner'. Your ‘part’ is gone.
Once I recognised that socialising was not filling the void – that it was not a saviour to the loneliness – I started finding ways to keep the link to him open. As though he was still at home.
Every time I feel the urge to share an incident or random thought that I’ve had in the day – no matter how minor or insignificant – I share it: SMS, Email, Voicemail, any medium that is close to me at the time.
No, he doesn’t always get it immediately. Yet, at some point he does. He gets a barrage of my day. He feels that he is sharing in my day, albeit in a concentrated format and I feel that I have shared.
This has significantly reduced my daily loneliness. Share my day.
Share your day.